December 5, 2006
I’ve been in a mood today. I don’t know what to call it, really. A day where everything is art. A birds nest in a dry tree under the blue sky while my breath curled into sinuous clouds – that kind of thing. Bad poetry day.
For some reason with the mood comes 2 things.
1. Inability to sleep when it’s time to sleep.
2. Feeling like I’m forgetting something all the time.
I don’t know why I get these moods. I think it’s the first time that I’ve noticed that it was an all-day thing rather than just an evening thing as I had previously suspected. All day I’ve been feeling like taking a walk, going for a drive, looking at art, being some place I’m not.
I’ve finished a lot of books recently – Dune, Foundation, 3 Days To Never, Hoot… and a couple others. I think I may have been trying to distract myself from something or tricking myself into something but I don’t know what or what. So I’m reluctant to start another book – another distraction.
I keep thinking “There’s got to be something better (think: more important) that I could be doing.” but nothing comes to mind. Maybe I’m still adjusting to the lifestyle of marriage and school.
Maybe it’s that ever-present stress I’ve noticed I write an awful lot about manifesting itself as feelings of discomfort. That seems both likely and psychologicalish.
A connecting thread in my feelings and thoughts is that I need to experience more and more satisfying personal and spiritual growth. Whether this is a cause or a symptom I have no idea.
I had crazy dreams of sandworms last night.
I think that whoever reads these things, these entries, is going to see a pretty distorted view of who I am. It seems like half of the time when I write an online entry it’s because I’m in one of these moods or that I’m being melancholy or something.
Well, I’ll just finish then.
December 4, 2006
I mean good. Great and good. Grood.
I don’t remember the last thing I wrote on the site, but it’s been a while. I mean this entry to be an update in a journaly sort of way.
Thanksgiving went well. It was spent with Kayeleen’s family at Grandma and Grandpa Jackson’s house as is tradition in their clan. I think that Kayeleen’s parents must have enjoyed it. There was a great feeling of family while we all sat around and chatted, looked at friday-after-thanksgiving ads, and ate food.
My professors all pushed back assignments to the weeks after Thanksgiving. This means I’ve been burdened with a load of paperwork during the last week. This week seems to be a bit better, as I finish off my last 3 or 4 major papers and then prepare for finals week.
Looking at the results of the semester thus far, it seems my best grade will be in the class I was most worried about – personal finance – while the classes I was least worried about are going to be a bit lower. Perhaps there’s a message in that.
Also in the recent past, I’ve networked with my friends from my first two years of college and played Starcraft with them over the internet. It wasn’t quite the same old fun we used to have, lacking the personal presence of the people, but it was still fun. I value their friendships. I wish it wasn’t a fact of life that people trend to drift apart over time. I wish I could keep all of the people I love with me all the time. I think maybe that’s what the celestial kingdom is in a large part.
It was fast sunday today. I fasted and prayed that there would be a job provided in the next month or two that would provide for the needs of my family after the baby is born. I feel good about it. I just wish I knew what would happen. The answer came in the Elder’s quorum lesson today – Patience.
Perhaps one of my least developed attributes.
Life is good.