Sitting in the dark

November 16, 2006

I’m back home from a good night of work.  It was good because I figure if I average it out I made almost 30 dollars an hour tonight.  Too bad every night can’t be like that.

Now I’m sitting in our little apartment in the dark.  The heater just clicked on, and I imagine my wife sleeping comfortably in the next room.

I woke up this morning feeling like there was something I needed to do.  So today I started looking into getting a new job or internship.  There’s a couple of good possibilities, but I don’t  know if I’m qualified or if I have enough time to devote to the work required.

We went and saw the movie “Stranger than fiction” last weekend.  It was pretty good.  Kayeleen says she doesn’t consider it one that we would buy.  I was kinda thinking it was.  Funny ol’ world.

Just sitting in the dark thinking about life, waiting for my body to wind down so I can sleep.

Anxiety

November 2, 2006

Today I am having my first big anxiety since returning from Taiwan.  It came as I worked on my schedule for next semester.  Specifically the part where I signed up for a statistics class.

First of all, I hate math.  I put up so many mental blocks and have so many negative feelings about it that I just do myself in horribly.  I’m really nervous about the upcoming math classes in my life.  I’m mostly nervous because I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish my life goals if I don’t get 3 math classes done.

This registration stress led to another stress.  Kayeleen pointed out to me that it’s not just 16 credits of language needed to graduate, but 16 credits of the same language.  SUU doesn’t offer Chinese courses.    And, because I didn’t do outstandingly well on the test I recently took on Chinese, I have reason to believe my BYU transfer credits will not be for the full 16 credit hours.  Meaning I have to find a way to get more Chinese credits, stay in school a lot longer than planned to get 16 spanish, french, or german credits, or take 16 Math credits aside from the ones I’m already taking (probably.  They might let me count the ones I have to take anyway.)

Either way, I’m stressed out like crazy.

I also need to talk to my department chair about if I can count a class in my minor as a class towards my major as well or not.    I also need to talk to the people in the business department about getting permission to take upper level courses to prepare for the graduate program.  I need to actually meet with an academic adviser who knows what the requirements for graduation are.

So that’s stressing me too.

Another stress is the ever-nearing baby expenses and the fact that Kayeleen will not be able to work soon.  I feel confident that I’ll be able to support us while going to school – I just don’t know what I’ll be doing to pull it off.  The pressure to find a good internship is increasing, but I have to balance that with the possibility of better wages at different jobs.

And the last thing is that I seem to consistently turn in homework late this week.  Which puts me behind, which keeps me from turning in the next day’s homework on time…

So now I’m up later than I have been in weeks.  My body is tired, but my stupid mind won’t shut up.

I feel like everything is going to be fine.  I just can’t get my brain to agree with that feeling.

-Greg