October 25, 2006
Ran into Ryan today.
There was a moment where, in the noble halls of academia, we thanked each other for leaving comments on the other’s blog.
I walked away from the experience feeling pretty nerdy, which is okay, and pretty unaccomplished as a blogger, which isn’t.
The page I post to most often is Sixmilevillage.com. It’s where I put whatever I consider to be public. This page is more of a journal than anything else. I don’t care if I don’t get comments here, but I always secretly hope that some major newspaper will find my writing on sixmile inspiring and invite me to become a columnist.
Maybe if I had some real skill and stick-to-it-ive-ness to apply to the site…
Anyway. I thought it was interesting, funny, human, etc. that something as simple as leaving a comment on somebody’s site could just make a person’s day.
October 12, 2006
yet again. I know. I know. But it’s not in a bad way, just in a curious way.) thinking about the future.
I had wanted to be a business major once. Like when I was a freshman. But, after taking a few classes, I decided that I would not like to be a business major. My decision at the time was based mostly on the type of person I saw in the department. I decided I didn’t want to be in a line of work where I had to associate constantly with that “personality.”
More recently I have been able to realize that it wasn’t that I disliked the personality type, I just didn’t understand it. And because I couldn’t understand it I mistrusted it. To this day I still don’t comprehend that strange and mysterious “managerial” personality. It always seemed so over-positive and over-optimistic and over-energetic and so on. I interpreted it as insincere. I still do, to this day.
Yet I find myself contemplating a future that will put me exactly where that sort of personality thrives and finds great success. This leads me to two possible outcomes. 1. I will learn to understand, respect, and embrace this sort of personality and these traits to the point of changing myself or 2. I will operate without ever becoming this kind of person. But could I learn to trust these people?
Lately I have been feeling unsure of myself. I worry that I’m unlikely to get any of the kind of career or lifestyle I would like just because I’ll be detected at the door. Just like nerds can detect jocks through walls, the manager can spot the philosophers long before the interview.
Well, we will find out sooner or later.
October 6, 2006
In general conference one of the speakers suggested a careful study of patience. He suggested a good way to do it would include going to the topical guide in the scriptures and look up every scripture under patience.
As a side note, I think it’s important to say that when I was a teenager, and even in my early twenties, the thought of looking up every scripture under a certain topic was absolutely repulsive. Who would want to do that much work?
Anyway, I have had these kind of invitations before from my mission president. And, since it is one of my goals to always follow the council of my ecclesiastical leaders, I felt it important to do this little project.
I’m not even half way through what amounts to about 45 minutes effort, but my attitude is already changing. For one thing, I’ve suddenly noticed that I have a problem with looking to the future in a very impatient way. It’s funny because at the beginning of the week, when Kayeleen and I decided to work on our patience, I pridefully thought I’m a pretty patient guy already. I doubt there will be much for me to learn from this week’s goal. While having that kind of attitude I was constantly surfing the web, looking for potential jobs, speculating about future finances, wondering about where I would be in 2 years, 5 years, and beyond. I had a very anxious feeling most of the time.
It was reading through the writings of the apostle Paul that really started to get me thinking. It took several verses before I started to actually try to apply the advice to myself and look for ways in which I could improve. I asked myself “what is Paul saying here? What is he trying to communicate?” I also was thinking about a few verses I had read earlier, where Jesus told his apostles that some of them will be killed, and then says that not even a hair shall perish.
Obviously this seems impossible at first glance, but it also seems clear to me that Christ had a larger perspective than just our temporal existance. He knew that, although we will all die, we will all live again. Christ was more aware than any of them of just how carefully their paths were being laid out. He knew that, because they had given thier lives to the Lord, He was directing thier paths and they need only trust in him and be patient.
It all ended up clicking in my head. It came together in my mind as a kind of idea and principle: Anxiety is not patience. We must remember that if we 1) have faith to obey the Lord, and 2) be patient – life will work itself out. It may not be exactly what we expect, but it will be for the best. We obviously need patience to be able to “wait to inherit the promise” and we need to have faith enough to trust that even if death is the future, it’s not the end.
Kinda gloomy on the ending there. But the point is that if we’re going to trust in God, we need to just trust in God then be patient. He’ll take care of it while you do your best.
Well, I feel better.